Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
