Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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