Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
