I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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