What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
