ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
