We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I love having hate sex.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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