I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
