got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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