Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
