I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
