I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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