i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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