One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize