I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
