I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
