The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
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Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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