I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
