i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
