Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
