sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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