May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
