K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
