I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
