White coat. Heels.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Say something about gay babies.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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