I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
