Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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