There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
