I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
