I heard we made out
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
