How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
