wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
