The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
