I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just had sex on a roof
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
