You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
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i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
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I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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