Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
