I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
