are you so shy because you have an std?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
