If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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