he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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