yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
