It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize