Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
