You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
MIDGETS
????
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
