like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
