You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
