Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
