After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
