The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
