Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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