In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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