3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
A bitchslap is in order.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
