Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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