My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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