I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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