I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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