At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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