My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
