I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
