I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
