Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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