none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
