Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
