I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
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why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
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I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think I just sharted jello shots
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