shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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