i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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